I hate those phone calls that begin ‘Hallo, is that Ms …’ (pause, while salesperson grapples with the pronunciation of ‘Eden’) ‘Eddin?’

‘Yes …’

‘How are you today?’

‘Fine thank you, but look …’

‘I’m fine.’ (I didn’t ask.)

‘Ms Eddin, I am calling you from Heart of the Home to give you the good news that you are a winner.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

‘Fantastic, isn’t it?’

‘No; I really don’t believe you. What are you trying to sell me?’

‘Nothing! You have been selected to receive an inflatable mattress worth R300!’

‘Really? How was I selected?’

‘Your cell phone number came up in a random draw.’

‘You mean you picked it off some data base that you managed to buy.’

‘Well, whatever … the thing is, you are a winner!’

‘And when will I be receiving my prize?’

‘You just have to give us your details and it will be sent to you by courier.’

‘I know where your warehouse is. I’d prefer to come and pick it up.’

‘What? Oh no, it doesn’t work like that. We have a contract with the more info

courier company. You definitely can’t come and fetch it.’

‘And does Heart of the Home pay the courier charges?’

‘For as little as R100 we will deliver it to your door, Ms Eddin!’

‘Ah ha. So you are asking me to pay a third of the value of an item I don’t really need, in return for all my particulars so that you can bother me again with more trumped-up “specials”. It’s not actually much of a prize, is it?’

‘No’, he sighs, ‘it’s not.’

He brightens when I tell him I’m going to write about this kind of telephonic harassment.

‘Really? My name is Thulani – put me in the story. Maybe I’ll be famous!’

Here’s your five seconds of fame, Thulani, and the good news that you have been selected to receive some free career advice: get out of that dead-end job as soon as you can. What? You want more than that? No, no, no, Thulani; it doesn’t work that way. However, I’m willing to upgrade your prize if you subscribe to my Really Useful Newsletter … Hallo? Thulani? Thought so.

Categories: BLOG: On my mind

One Response so far.

  1. Ana says:

    So true! I hate these calls too. Saying your’e a winner when in fact they want you to actually pay for the item. Those were valid questions you asked and I probably would’ve asked the same. I refuse to be deceived lol. I had a good laugh at this one.

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